Hate
Hate
NOTE: The story is written in the past, scenes of the present are written in italicize.
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Hate: an emotion of intense revulsion, distaste, enmity, or antipathy for a person, thing, or phenomenon; a desire to avoid, restrict, remove, or destroy its object.
Hate is seen in different forms, sometimes blatantly obvious and sometimes more subtly evident. In the picturesque town of Tree Hill, it was a way of life. At first glance it was the perfect place, nice people, nice houses, in short it was the ideal to place to live and raise children. But as everyone knows, looks can be deceiving. Tree Hill was a town with a rich history, most people had spent their entire lives in this town. They were kind, they were friendly, they were good people in general. The only negative point? The entire town was separated into two sides, the Scotts and the Jameses. For generations, there has been an intense hatred between the two clans. The Scotts were well off, arrogant and tended to excel in athletic fields while the Jameses though less financially stable, were known for their modesty and intellectual abilities. Once upon a time, members of the two families used to be on good terms. In fact, the heads of the families used to be best friends. So what made the two families who were once the best of friends become bitter enemies? No one knows. The answer to that mystery died the day that the heads of the two families, Royal Scott and Howard James passed away. Whatever the reason was, the effects of the incident have had lasting effects to this day. Had it been just the members of the two families, things wouldn't have been as bad but the fact the two families brought their friends and acquaintances into the fight made things worse. From day one, children in this town are taught to hate the other clan. They are taught never to trust them, never to talk to them and certainly never to fall in love with them. Most people follow the rules but there have and always will be, the occasional rebel, or in this case, rebels.
***
Her life was like shards of a broken mirror. Everywhere you step, there were risks of cutting yourself, risks of getting hurt, risks of having to face what you fear most. Whoever said that we hate that which we often fear was right for the most part but Haley James begged to differ. She was never one to follow the crowd. In spite of being at the heart of the problem, she chose to ignore it. While her brothers and sister went about picking fights with other clan (i.e. the Scotts), she chose to put her interests elsewhere. Rather than spending her time trying to make the lives of the Scotts and their friends miserable, she chose to focus on other things. Things that would one day take her out of Tree Hill. To her, Tree Hill was like a jail, because of her family's ongoing feud. She had to constantly watch her back, she was constantly being protected, sheltered from things around her. She hated living like that. All she wanted was to be free, to have a life of her own that would not be controlled by her parents or her siblings. In fact, she thought the entire feud was joke, why were these people fighting against each other for something that happened long before any of them were born? As far as she was concerned, Lucas Scott and his friends could go to hell and she wouldn't give a damn. She just wanted change. She was sick of her routine life, sick of her sheltered existence, sick of everything. That's where Nathan Scott comes into the picture. At a time when Haley was so desperate for something new, Nathan Scott came like a whirlwind and shattered every aspect of her previously structured but mundane lifestyle.
***
The day Haley James met Nathan Scott was a special day. From the moment Haley got out of bed on this fine summer day, she knew that something was going to happen. Maybe it was the heat of the blaring sun or the feel of the summer wind against her palm, something or the other was telling her that today was not just another day. Everything around her seemed to suggest that today would be one of the most important days of her life. Haley never told anyone but she knew that she had been born with the gift of clairvoyance. No she couldn't really predict the future per-say, but she could somehow just sense what was to come in the near future. And as usual, her intuition was right on target, for the moment she saw Nathan Scott for the first time, she knew that someday he would go on to do great things in his lifetime and for some odd reason, she herself would have a lot to do with it.
The first time Haley James saw Nathan Scott, she was speechless.
I'm mesmerized hypnotized by you
I'm mesmerized so beguiled by you
I'm mesmerized by you and your sea green eyes
One glance and I'm mesmerized
Entrance and I'm hypnotize by you
You mesmerized me
Maybe it was the way he moved, swiftly and effortlessly through the crystal clear water, or maybe it was his tanned skin and well toned muscles, something or the other made Haley James feel butterflies in her stomach. Suddenly, the ever confident Haley had turned into a mouse, afraid of anything and everything in sight. In all of her years of life, not once had she felt as powerless as she had felt the day she laid eyes on Nathan.
There's too many years and an ocean between us
And in the eyes of the world I'm scorned as a libertine
But you are my muse you are my Venus
And I watch move devotion comes serene
In her eyes, he was beautiful. He was perfect, he was everything she had dreamed about. She thought him to be prince charming, she was more or less sure that she could fall in love with him. All this, without even having spoken to him.
When he did speak to her, all her previous thoughts and fantasies dissipated – She now hated him.
“Move” he'd said. Such a small word with such big implications. Its wasn't the fact that he'd asked her to move, it was more the way he'd asked her to move that was disturbing.
He looked at her as if she were beneath him. It was a look of arrogance, a look of distaste. At first Haley had been shocked by his words. It took her a moment to realize what was going on. Just moments ago she had thought the world of him and was now disappointed to see that this boy turned out to be just like every other boy on the planet – a jerk. Haley had seen many of them in her lifetime, hell she even lived with one. Her brother Jake was a class A jerk off and so were his friends. Haley chided herself for being so foolish, she should have known better.
Haley was once again brought out of her reverie, once again by Nathan Scott. This time Nathan had stopped swimming and had spoken to her making direct eye contact. “Move, you're blocking the sun” he said impatiently.
Instead of making her usually snappy comeback, Haley had simply said sorry and walked away. Once again she had surprised herself. What was it about this boy that made her act so differently? She hated him that's for sure. She hated that smug look he had on his face, she hated the amused smirk she'd seen when she had pathetically scurried away and yet she couldn't stop thinking about his crystal blue eyes. If you looked deep into his eyes, they were the darkest blue imaginable but if you looked at them in the sun there was the faintest hint of green to it. They were just stunning. Haley tried not to think about this but every so often that picture him of all wet and sexy with those gorgeous blue orbs kept popping into her head.
***
When Nathan saw her for the first time, it was at a James party he and his friends had crashed. When he'd seen her he had thought her to be the hottest chic in the planet. She had the perfect body with curves in all the right places, her petite frame suited her. She was smart, beautiful, and immensely feisty – just the kind of girl he liked. He would have liked to talk to her, get to know her, but decided against it once he found out that she was a James. He had enough problems already so getting involved with a James was completely out of the question. So he had enjoyed the party and quietly left before someone realized who he was.
Nathan Scott was as perfect as they came. He'd spent most of his life away at a prestigious private school in Europe and was now a first year college student. He was an average student and gifted basketball player. From day one, his father Dan Scott, a basketball fanatic once a legend at Tree hill High had made sure that Nathan got the best of the best. He had gone to the best high school with the best basketball programme and now the he was the star basketball player at the University of California, Berkeley. Girls swooned over him and guys were constantly trying to suck up. Yes, Nathan Scott was smart, popular, and drop-dead gorgeous. He loved his life but at times all this fame and attention got on his nerves. That's when he'd come back to Tree Hill. Here he could be himself, no one cared about his popularity. In fact, since he so seldom visited, most people didn't even know he was. The time that he spent here, he maintained a low profile so it was natural that Haley hadn't recognized him.
The party had happened six months ago. By now he should have forgotten about her but for some odd reason he hadn't. Every time he saw a petite brunette, he'd be reminded of Haley. So when he saw Haley that day at the pool, he had recognized her instantly. She'd grown up a little since the last time he'd seen her. Her hair was longer and seemed redder than he remembered. She still had that gorgeous body only now it seemed even more beautiful if that was possible. Nathan always liked his girls a little full; not fat but not stick thin either. Haley seemed to fit that picture perfectly. Once again he had the urge to get close to her but once again he'd decided to resist temptation. He'd seen her staring at him intently while he'd been doing his morning laps. He wondered what she was thinking, no he knew what she was thinking. Nevermind. When he'd spoken to her she'd seemed a little unnerved. Nathan found that amusing. He liked that he had that effect on her. This girl intrigued Nathan; he would definitely have to to find out more about her.
* * *
Haley James was a strange sort of girl. Given her situation, it would have been natural for her to be spiteful or the least bit resentful, but she was not. She'd grown up in the perfect family or so her parents would like to think. Greg James, her father was disliked by most, he was almost as sleazy as the sleaziest of all – Dan Scott and her mother wasn't much better. Haley had grown up in a family that had somehow lost the meaning of love. Her parents hated each other, always arguing, always bickering, and always belittling one another. Haley wondered why they even bothered staying together. No wait, she knew exactly why – reputation. Her father stayed because he needed the trophy wife in order to stay on top. After all, not many people would like to vote for a divorced man in a conservative town such as Tree Hill now would they? As for her mother, she stayed because of the money. Growing up in one of the richest families in Tree Hill, Andrea James knew that she couldn't survive a life of poverty and so she stayed. They were just using each other and they knew it.
It wasn't always like this. Once upon a time long ago, her parents had genuinely been in love. They laughed and smiled and kissed – they used to be in love. She missed her parents. They were close but they always seemed so far away. They used to tell the most wonderful stories, they used to spent hours and hours at they park playing with her, they used to do many things long ago, back when they loved her of course.
You would expect for Haley to resent her parents, to be cynical, to be distant, to despise the name of love and all that came with it. But surprisingly she was not. Sure she wasn't the happiest being on the planet but she managed to live life without grudges. She didn't question her fate and she didn't believe that the grass was greener on the other side. In spite of all that she had been through, Haley for some reason chose to believe in love. She chose to believe that somewhere out there, there had to be something that would make her life worth living. She wasn't sure if it was love but she hoped it would be. No she didn't believe in fairy tales or prince charming and none of that chick flick stuff but she did believe that somewhere out there would be someone who would make her happy. Someone, who would make her feel the things that she longed to feel. Perhaps it was foolish of her to think such things but this was something she needed to believe in, in order to go on.
* * *
“You're a dirtbag Nathan Scott. I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU so so much” she screamed. It was raining outside. She didn't care what happened to her. She just kept pounding and pounding on Nathan's chest while Nathan gripped on to her for dear life.
“Shhh Haley. Don't cry. I'm so so sorry.” Who was he to ask her to stop crying when he was doing the same?
As Haley whimpered, Nathan continued to apologise over and over again: “I … I didn't mean to do it. It was supposed to be joke. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I'll do anything. I promise I'll make it up to you.”
That was the last straw. Almost instantly Haley stiffened and slowly walked away from him. She wiped her tears and looked him straight in the eye: “You want to make it up to me? You get out of Tree Hill and you stay away from me for as long as I live. Understand?” she yelled with a look of pure hatred. This look of hers didn't come very often but when it did, you were better off was listening to her. She maybe be small, but it would be foolish to underestimate what she is capable of”.
* * *
It was on the day of Tree Hill's foundation that Haley saw Nathan next. It was one of those cool august evenings when the skies are clear and the wind is blowing. It was the perfect time of year, the long spell of blistering heat had finally went away and the chill of the autumn winds had yet to arrive. Yes, it was the perfect time of the year. Haley was at the fair sitting on the edge of the carousel, when her eyes locked with those of Nathan Scott. And just as that day at the pool, his blue eyes had an enchanting effect on her. She wanted to look away, she really did but for some reason she had lost control of her body, her eyes had a life of their own.
"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those." - Anonymous
Now that she thought about it, perhaps she would have been off had she walked away, then again had she done that, she wouldn't have gotten to have the whirlwind romance she had only dreamed of.
“Hey” he'd said as he came forward and sat beside her with a wad of cotton candy in hand.
“Hey” she'd replied distractedly.
“Want some?” he asked ushering toward the ball of fluff in his hands.
“Umm… yeah sure” she'd replied, nervously. It was odd how she was around him. Haley James was not one to be nervous or self-conscious and yet Nathan made her palms sweat. And apparently, her nervousness wasn't only visible to her for there was the incredibly sexy but equally annoying smirk of his. It was strange how she could like and despise him so much at the same time.
They remained silent watching the variety of people pass by them. There was this one little girl wearing this adorable little yellow dress laughing at some joke her dad had just said. Haley wanted to be that girl. Once upon a time, she used to be a daddy's girl, but then something happened and her dad seemed to forget about her, once he joined politics. Anyway, she didn't want to think about that now. Right now what she wanted was to get to know the hot boy sitting next to her.
“What's your name?” she asked.
“What's your's?” he countered.
“I asked you first”
“Promise you won't run away?” he asked.
As he looked at her, he realised that she really was stunning. Even prettier than she'd looked the other day.
“I promise” she said, putting her hand on top of heart.
“ Nathan Scott”
As expected, her smile vanished and was replaced with a look of apprehension. She would have gotten up probably, had Nathan not been holding her hand.
“I told you you'd run”
“I wasn't going to” she said shyly. She knew she should not have listened to him and just walked away but something was pulling her back. Haley always trusted her intuition so she decided to stay.
“Hi I'm Haley James, daughter of Greg James and I'm so not going to run away like pathetic little chicken just because you're a Scott” she continued, suddenly bursting with confidence.
Her sudden change of attitude amused Nathan. “This chick is completely unpredictable, she's definitely going keep me on my toes” he thought.
The French kiss twice, once on either cheek, the Italians kiss by twos, twice on either cheek, Nathan Scott kissed once, right at the crook of your neck. That's what I remember from that day at the fair. I don't know if this gesture was meant just for me or if it was something he did to just about everyone, but for me it meant the world. It was such a simple gesture, his way of saying good bye, but to me it meant so much more. His touch was intoxicating, his lips were so soft, like silk. In that moment he made me feel so special, more than I had felt in my entire life. And just as soon as it began, he was gone, and I was left wanting more.
Nathan Scott was the most unpredictable character I had ever met. Sometimes he could act like the sweetest boy on the planet and at other times, he was the biggest jerk. That night was one where he chose to be the sweet guy that any girl could fall in love with. It might have lasted for only a few minutes but for me it seemed much longer. We sat and talked about anything and everything. And in a few moments he had become such a good friend. I could really talk to him, unlike other guys, he actually cared about what I thought. I could really be myself around him. At the end of that night, I went home with a goofy smile on my face; it had been the best night of my life. I went home, crawled into bed and fell fast asleep, with the image of Nathan Scott and his perfect lips floating in my mind.
The next day I woke up with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Yesterday I felt like life was perfect and today things seemed far too good to be true. The skies were dark, the air was muggy, I took it all as a sign. In my 18 years of life, if there was one thing I had learned, it was to trust my feelings. My grandmother called them my “presents from god” I guess it was a gift passed on from generation to generation, grammie had it and so did I, somehow my mother had been left out of the loop. Anyway, the point is, that I have always believe in my so called “present from god” and today it told me that I should stay away from Nathan Scott. He had seemed very nice and everything, but you can't deny that he was Scott. Somewhere inside of him, he must have inherited some of the traits of the devil that is Dan Scott. I'd always refused to join in on the idiotic feud that had been between our families, but I knew that I should be careful when it came to Nathan Scott. I'd more or less convinced myself that our time together previous night had been nothing more that casual conversation between two people but for some reason my heart refused to accept what my head was saying. For every time I saw Nathan Scott, my heart would go thump thump thump like drums in a marching band and I'd get butterflies in my stomach.
* * *
Haley sat on the floor next to the hospital room – bawling. Here eyes were swollen, her lips parched, but she didn't care. She was a mess, and everyone was worried about her. She'd lost track of time. Had she been here for an hour? A day? A month? She didn't know. Everything was spiraling out of control. Her heart was breaking, little by little and now this. She didn't know what she was feeling. Hate? Anger? Regret? She was more confused than she had ever been. All she could see was the car crash, playing over and over again in her mind. And worst of all the picture of Lucas and Nathan laughing like nothing had happened kept haunting her. She hated Nathan so so much and yet her heart could help but melt at the sight of him sitting on that chair, curled up in a ball. He'd been with her all along. Maybe he was sorry, but right now she couldn't trust him, not him not anyone else. The one person that she did trust was now in the hospital room fighting for dear life. Everyone kept saying that it wasn't her fault, but somehow she couldn't believe it. She kept thinking, if only I had come there a minute sooner, if only I'd stopped, if only…
She knew she had to eat something, she knew that she had to get a hold of herself but she couldn't. How could people forgive her? Why did people have so much hatred in them? Why had they been so damn cruel? Why did things have to go so far? The occasional prank was fine but this? This? This was way too much. She'd make him pay, she'd make all of them, especially Lucas pay for everything they'd done. She refused to let them get off scot-free. Things were going to change around here, and she knew that she'd have to be the one to bring on this revolution. Everyone wanted it but most people were just too afraid. She promised herself that she wouldn't be one of those people. She would make her father and Dan Scott see reason, even it killed her.
* * *
Nathan Scott was a mystery. He had this ability to draw attention. He was the kind of person that could make crowds stop. He was what everyone could only dream of being. Nathan lacked inhibition, he would do what he wanted, whenever he wanted. Although this was probably a good quality, it was also something that scared people. Though people may deny it, the fact is that people love boundaries. Boundaries and limitations are things that offer security, it makes people feel under control. It makes people feel useful. And the fact that Nathan didn't believe in such limitations scared people. His free spirited nature was unnerving to most. It wasn't so much that people were afraid of getting hurt by him, it was more that people were afraid of what he was capable of. To say that they were of afraid of nothing would be foolish for as they say, history repeats itself. Some twenty, twenty three years ago, their had been another such man, a man that had brought much grief to this town and continues to do so to this day. His name was Dan Scott, everyone in this town has faced his wrath at some point in their lives, and those who haven't can rest assured that they will in the near future. He was a sick, manipulative bastard who would go to great lengths to fulfill his desires. He didn't care about a damn thing other than himself. And what's worse was that he had passed on his ruthless nature to his sons as well. One day, Dan Scott would die and go to hell but his sons would live on to keep alive the mayhem. That's what scared people the most – how similar Nathan and Lucas were to their father. Lucas was worse of the two, a true bad boy, angry at the world, angry at himself, angry at his father – he was a menace from early age onwards. Everyone had hoped that Lucas would turn out like his mother Karen, kind, soft hearted, a loving person, but instead he'd turned out to be the mirror image of his father.
Nathan however, had some hope. He'd grown up away from his father's influence, much thanks to Karen of course. She'd seen how her husband had brainwashed Lucas and was determined not to let the same happen to her younger son as well. True, she wasn't his real mother of course, Nathan's mother and Karen's long time best friend Deb, had passed away years ago, but Karen had taken care of Nathan as if he were her own and gave him as much love and attention as he deserved.
Nathan, was bold, determined, a real tough guy. He knew Karen loved him, very much and understood why he had been sent away but he'd always felt deprived. He'd never known what love was. Maybe that's why he had turned out that way. He couldn't love, to him girls were a temporary distraction from the pain, but that's all it was. He'd been with many girls, he treated them well but he could never give them what they wanted – love. If everyone has something that holds them back, his was a lack of trust. People fear many things, death, pain, rejection, Nathan's was the fear was that everyone in his life would walk away from him, like his father had done once long ago.
~~~~Flashback~~~~~
“He's your son damn it!” yelled Deb
“Really how can I be sure? What happened with Keith? How do I know that he isn't his?” replied Dan smirking.
“You did not just say that Dan Scott. If I wasn't so desperate, I would never have come at your doorstep. God when did you stoop so low?” continued Deb, utterly repulsed by the man standing in front of her.
~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~
Nathan was supposed to be playing at the park but he hadn't. He'd come home early, he'd wanted to check on his mother. He loved his mother very much. At the time he hadn't know very much about cancer, all he knew was that his mother was dying. He though that if he was a good boy, did his chores, and took care of things, his mother would get better, as if she were having a fever and dash of syrup would make things better. He knew that Dan Scott was his father, he'd seen pictures. His mother had always said that his father was away and that he would be with us if he could but now he knew the truth. His father didn't want him that's the reason why he was never there. Many years later, he'd come to know that what his parents had had, had been a one nightstand but to his mother it had meant much more. In spite of Dan's shortcoming, his mother had loved him. He'd been hurt that day. He wanted to cry, he felt so alone then but he'd been strong for his mother. He loved her so very much, and perhaps that's why it still hurt so much. He'd never been able to get past her death. Karen had tried her best to be a good mother but no matter what she did, there was no way she could make up for his loss.
He still remembered the day she'd taken him in. It was on the day of her mother's funeral, he'd been standing next to his mother's grave holding a small bouquet of roses he'd picked from the garden. Karen had come, taken him into her arms and had hugged him. Lucas had smiled, and his father's face remained blank. Karen had taken him to their home and took care of him. She'd listened to him, she held him tightly while grieved for his mother and she'd protected him from his father. Six years passed by and Dan Scott remained as distant as ever. Lucas was a good friend, they were never brothers but they remained on good terms. When he'd finally left for high school, Karen had cried like any mother would and Lucas had given him his Michael Jordan autographed basketball as a going away present. Dan had been at the dealership that day, just like every other important day in his life. You'd think that after years of basketball games, and school plays, Dan Scott would have some feeling toward Nathan, but he didn't. Dan had always given so much love to Luke, Nathan wished he had got some too but alas, perhaps he was one of the unfortunate few who were destined to live a loveless life.
Over the next few weeks, I hadn't seen much of Nathan Scott. He'd been busy with whatever he did, basketball I guess and I was busy having my own life. If he didn't think that that day at the fair was anything more than just a casual conversation, fine. I could live with that. I spent the rest of my summer vacation having fun with my best friend, Brooke and of course my brother Jake, and Mouth, Felix and the rest of the guys. Even though my brother was a jerk to other girls, he was always very nice to me. Unlike most people, he actually liked having me around. He was only a year older than I was but since I'd skipped a grade, we ended up in the same class so naturally we tended to hang out with the same group. He taught me to play basketball, to drive a car, he taught me everything I know. That's why it hurt so much when it happened. Even though I had a mom and a dad just like anybody else, my brother Jake was my family. As far as I was concerned, my parents didn't exist, they were just there for financial support. In short, it was just me and my brother against the world.
So anyway, the point is Nathan Scott was just another guy to me. He was Lucas's brother, which automatically made him my enemy. When I bumped into him at the mall or at the river court, I thought of him as a stranger. That day at the fair didn't exist. It was only a figment of my imagination. For some time I'd crushed on him, I'd thought he could be something more but I was wrong. He was a jerk just like every other boy in the planet. I know nothing happened that day at the fair but why did it seem like every time I laid eyes on him, he was with some girl or other? Had he been trying to make me jealous or was I just reading too much into things? Rather than being attracted to him, I felt annoyed by his presence. He was gorgeous and he knew it. He was arrogant, rude, witty, and obnoxious. Ugh! I hated him! To some extent he was worse than Lucas. Luke was up front about everything. If he didn't like you, he'd say it to your face, he'd belittle you he'd beat you up, he'd do everything in his power to crush you but at least he didn't play mind games like his brother. God! I hated myself for giving him a chance. I hated myself for opening up to him. He played me for a fool and I had gone along happily. Just the thought of him made me sick. And the worst part of it was that I couldn't tell anyone about what I felt, Jake would kill me and Brooke would chide me as if she were my mother or something.
That's the thing with her. Brooke used to be the biggest air head, the school slut. But the things is, people under estimated her. After her break up with the jackass known as Felix, she'd changed. She'd said the she was sick of being taken advantage of. She wanted to show they world that she was not just a dumb cheerleader. And boy did she show them! She ran for student body president, she'd started all sorts of new clubs and activities, she'd turned into a really good person. What really got me was her kindness, she was the most popular gal in our school but she never treated anyone differently. She was a friend to us all. That's why I liked her so much. We'd grown up together. Her parents were as crappy as mine so we had a lot in common. Brooke was the wild one, she'd make me to do things I wouldn't dream of doing and I would be the voice of reason. We were the perfect pair you see. But for some reason, once Nathan Scott came into our lives, things changed. Somehow, we'd switched roles, I was the crazy one falling for the bad boy and she was the mother figure trying to steer me out of harm's way. But even she couldn't protect me from what was to come.
It was the end of August a few days till the start of the new school year. The Scotts had trashed the river court. Why? Because yet again Whitey had chosen Jake to be the captain of the varsity basketball team and also Tree Hill's representative for High Flyers. Lucas was supposed to be a shoo-in for high flyers but Whitey had chosen Jake instead, Luke couldn't handle that. He just had to do something, didn't he? The bastard decided to take revenge by trashing the river court a.k.a. James territory. I was pissed as hell that day. Jake had been out of town visiting colleges when it happened and I knew that if he came to know this from any other source, hell would ensue. And I couldn't let that happen now could I? If Jake got suspended at the beginning of the school year, then he was sure to get kicked out of the basketball team and me being the good sister I am, I couldn't let that happen. So in order to do some damage control, I'd gone to Lucas's house to try come to an agreement or something but instead it turned out to be a major blowout. I'd charged into the Scott home, breezed past Nathan's room and exchanged a multitude of insults with Lucas to no avail. After spending some ten fifteen minutes yelling at the top of my lungs, I was as charged as ever. So when I passed by Nathan's room the second time, I couldn't help but have a go with him too. He must have been involved in the ordeal too right? What surprised me was that once I got to Nathan's room, my voice had decided to abandon me. My head was telling me to start yelling, to demand that they fix the the court but my mouth remained closed. When I'd reached his room, he'd just come out of the bathroom, all wet and gorgeous. His back was to me but now that I think back, he must have known that I was standing staring like one of those boy crazy bimbos he liked to hang out with. I was still angry as hell but I couldn't help but notice his strong shoulders, his shapely biceps, he was as beautiful as they came. When he finally turned around, he had that annoying little smirk on his face. He'd known that I was watching. In fact, I'm pretty sure, he'd enjoyed the attention. God I really did despise him. He had this strange power over me and to tell you the truth, that scared me more than I'd like to admit. My heart was racing a mile a minute, my palms were sweaty and my throat was getting dry. Every part of my body was saying that I should leave before things got out of hand but I just couldn't move. I was utterly powerless against him. That's when I noticed the suitcase.
He was leaving. I should have been happy right? I should have been glad that he was going back to college but why wasn't I? Why was I worried that he'd forget about me? Why did I feel like I would miss him once he left? He was supposed to be my enemy right? So why the hell did I bother to care?
“You're leaving?” I asked, knowing very well that it was a dumb question to ask.
“No I'm going for vacation, of course I'm leaving” he said sarcastically.
Fine be that way. If he was going to be and ass, I could be a bitch too.
“Can't say I'd miss your presence really” I bit back, silently cursing myself for being such a bloody liar.
“Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause I'm pretty sure you liked having me around” he replied, slowly inching closer to me.
“Well you're deluded Nathan Scott. How could I enjoy being near someone who thrives on playing mind games and screwing with people's lives?”
“If you're talking about that basketball court of yours, then let me assure you that I had nothing to do with it. That was all Lucas's doing” he said huskily.
By now he had proceeded from the other side of the room to the doorway and had carefully pinned Haley to the edges of the door. If Dan Scott came in to this scene, the lives of all Tree Hill residents would become a living hell but thankfully he was out of the picture for the moment. Haley was nervous. He was so close but so far away. She could fell his warm breath on her cheeks, she could feel his large hands gently caressing her palm, just as they had been that day at the fair, his eyes were only on her.
On one hand she was furious that Nathan was yet again taking advantage of her but on the other she was having great difficulty resisting temptation. She longed to taste his lips, to feel his skin against hers, she wanted this more than anything and yet she knew it was wrong.
“God what is it with you and manipulating people? This is wrong and you know it so why do you insist on doing this?” she asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
His lips were on her neck, slowly moving upwards until he reached her lips and stopped just before he touched them.
He was teasing her again.
“Manipulating people? Me? What do you think you're doing? What's with you and your short short skirts, and … and those random guys—“
“What Mouth? Felix? they're just friends” Haley interrupted.
“Tell me you haven't once tried to make me jealous over the summer” he asked accusingly.
The fact that Haley didn't respond just strengthened his point.
He cupped Haley's face and delved into the ecstasy that was Haley James's lips. At that point, Haley's thoughts and her voice of reason, vanished.
She gave into temptation.
Nathan had set her on fire, he had made her feel things she couldn't even imagine, he'd made her beg, cry for more. And at they end, when everything had ended, he'd fallen asleep with his head safely tucked in the crook of her neck while Haley remained motionless. After a long while, she finally let the tears escape, silently leaving a trail down the apples of her cheek and onto Nathan's white down pillows.
Part 2: A Fall of Loneliness
I had to get out of there. It seemed like the walls were closing in on me. Nathan was fast asleep so he wouldn't know … not that he'd care, come to think of it. Anyway, so what happened was I carefully slipped out of the bed, gathered all of my clothing, got dressed and ran for dear life. Thank God no one else was home. After I had escaped from the Scott mansion and walked about three or four block from it, I burst into a run. I ran as far as I could until I was breathless and decided to settle down on a bench in a secluded area at a park nearby.
It was a cold evening, quite abnormal for this time of year. Perhaps fall was going to arrive a little early this year. My hands were numb and I was starting to shiver a little. I'd been so enraged earlier that I'd forgotten to dress properly. So there I was wearing a thin white T-shirt, backward might I add, and a pair of ratty old blue jeans whose days were long gone. I curled myself into a ball and finally broke down.
I'm not much of a smoker, I never have been. But at that instant it seemed like a savior. As I puffed on it, I finally let myself think back to what had just happened. I remembered his lips on my lips, my breasts, places you couldn't imagine. At the time it had made me feel so good but now… now it just made me feel dirty. Letting things get that far had been a mistake. All my life I'd dreamt of that special moment, that special gift that I would give to my one true love. Call me old-fashioned but I'd wanted my first time to be special. Was that too much to ask?
Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that I'd fallen for had been filled lust. Lust, not love, it was just raw, animalistic, lust. God it made feel so sick. I put out the cigarette, feeling even more disgusted for having resorted to such a harmful thing. I could barely walk. My eyesight was distorted due to the abundance of tears. My stomach hurt, my throat sore, my lips swollen, my heartbroken, I might as well have worn a T-shirt that said “Train wreck walking”. By the time I reached my house, it was late in the night. I'd walked from one end of Tree Hill to the other without even noticing it. All the lights were off, not because my parents were sleeping but because they weren't home. They seldom were. If Jake were here he'd worry for me. But since he'd decided to spend the night in Charlotte, I was left to go into the dark, empty house all alone. Its not that I wasn't used it, ‘cause that definitely wasn't it, but the thing is, for one night, I'd wanted to feel safe, I'd wanted to feel less alone. But yet again, I was not going to get my wish.
I walked into the living room and checked the voicemail, there was none. I knew it was a long shot but I'd hoped that he would call, even if it was to say goodbye. But no, nothing. He'd left without even saying goodbye. I was just a one-night stand. What we had, had meant nothing to him. Now that I think about it, I kind of understand. I was the forbidden fruit, the one girl that he couldn't have. That's why he'd even taken notice of me. He'd didn't like me, he'd just played me, it was just another way to stick it to my family and me. It was brilliant, either way he'd get his revenge, if I told everyone, my entire family would be ashamed and if I kept quiet, he'd get the satisfaction of knowing that he'd boned the one girl that no one could. Many had tried, but I never let any relationship get that far. My theory was that if the guy was willing to wait, then chances were that he was the real thing. If the guy wasn't, I'd let Jake and they guys beat the crap out of him. It was a fabulous system but that all went out the window when Nathan Scott came around now didn't it. GOD! I felt like such as scum, a slut, a whore, I was a horrible person, I'd broken the rules, I'd done the one thing that my family had warned me not to do. Nathan was probably sound asleep, on a plane looking forward to going back to Cali and all that it has to offer. I was sad, I was angry, but most of all, I was just … hurt.
I'd opened up to him, I'd put my heart on the line, only to have broken into bits and pieces. I'd been a fool to believe in love. Love sucks, life's a bitch, all men could go and just screw themselves for all I cared.
As the days went by, I realized that I was slowly turning into a really negative person. I was constantly irritated, cynical, snappy, a real bitch to tell you the truth. School had started and life went on. I buried myself in schoolwork, school activities, parties, anything that could take my mind off of him. It was my senior year; I should have enjoyed it right? But I didn't. I did all the fun things that every one did but I never enjoyed it. I'd sort given up on feelings altogether. If you didn't feel anything, then you couldn't get hurt. When Luke passed by he gave me dirty looks. He'd done that before too but now it seemed like it was even more cruel. Nathan had told him about his little conquest I guess. I was kind of surprised that Lucas hadn't let the cat out of the bag. Maybe he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity or maybe I was just being paranoid.
A month passed since the day he who shall not be named left and things were as crappy as ever. Even my parent had noticed my lack of cheerfulness and that's really something. Everyone knew something was wrong but they were all afraid to ask. The fact that I'd flinch every time someone touched me was probably a dead giveaway. I think Brooke had a hunch about what was going on but she never said anything. She was there for me whenever I needed. She was always a call away. One call and there she'd be, arms filled with ice cream, candy, and all sorts of treats. She'd always said that a sugar rush was the cure to all problems. So that's how it was, Brookie was and still is the best of the best. Without her, life would be utterly meaningless. That's probably why I feel so guilty for what happened afterwards. I should have protected her and been there for her when she needed me but I hadn't because I was too afraid to face the past. But that's another story, one that I'll share some other day.
* * *
I tried to forget about her, I honestly had but for some reason she kept popping up everywhere I went. I'd be in class one day and I'd listen to someone laugh and I'd be reminded of her. I'd see a ball of auburn hair walking down the hallway and I'd think of her. If there's one thing I've learned from my mother, it's to treat women with respect. That was the sign of a true gentleman, one who listened to women, appreciated their beauty and loved for their personality and in spite of living in Dan Scott's house for so many years, I'd lived by my mother's words. Even if she isn't here anymore, I'd like to think that somewhere up there she's watching me. And for that reason, I've always tried to be the best I could in hopes that somewhere up there, my mother would feel proud. Except that one incident for which I can never forgive myself. I shouldn't have let things go that far, and more importantly, I should not have run away from my problems like a bloody coward. I shouldn't have slept with Haley and I shouldn't have let her go without an explanation. Many times I'd tried to call her, to apologize, to say I was sorry but I never could and the longer I waited, the harder it got. Haley was better off thinking I was a jerk who'd just used her for sex rather than knowing the truth, which was that she'd lost her virginity to a coward who was incapable of loving someone no matter how amazing a person she is.
* * *
It wasn't until the middle of October that thing started looking up for me. By now the memory of that fateful afternoon seems almost like a dream to me. The keyword being almost. So anyway, a week before Halloween there was a new boy in town. His name was Ryan. In a matter of a few days, he'd sort of turned into a town celebrity. It turns out that he was like a shoo-in for pro football or something but to me he was just another jock who'd be an ass and who thought of women as mere objects of sexual desire. I was wrong. He was the sweetest guy ever, you couldn't believe that this guy was destined for such glory unless some one told you so. I met Ryan on his first day, before everyone got to know how much of a star he was.
~~~flashback~~~
Haley had gone out of class to refill her water bottle when she saw a tall, well built boy with messy brown hair who looked completely lost.
She wiped her mouth and approached the boy: ”Hey, are you lost or something?”
“Umm… Yeah I guess I am. Can you tell me where the administrations office is?”
“Go straight, then turn right, and stop at the third office from the left”.
That just seemed to make him seem even more confused.
Haley looked the boy and noticed that he was about a good foot taller than her. And man was he good looking. After the Nathan incident, Haley had stopped looking at boys altogether but even she couldn't help but notice how stunning he was.
“How ‘bout I walk you there?” she finally said, thus putting the boy out of his misery.
“Thanks. Hi I'm Ryan Stadler and you are"?
“Haley James, please to meet ya” she replied putting on her strongest southern accent and curtseying a bit.
It was fun seeing how outsiders reacted to them. They always thought that people around here would be dirty rednecks who're like the most ignorant people on the planet. She always made it a point to clarify that that was only a myth so when they went back, they could correct the common misconception.
“Where are you from Ryan?” she asked as they began walking towards the administration wing.
“New York”
“Wow! The big apple! I've always wanted to go there someday”
“You should. I've only been here for a couple of hours but I miss it already”
“So what brings you to Tree Hill?”
“My dad, he got transferred here”
“Oh! ” she replied.
By now they had reached the admin offices so it was time for her to say goodbye. Surprisingly though she didn't want to.
“After school, come meet me at the front door. We could maybe hang out or something", she said cautiously.
“ Sure” he replied back with the sweetest smile the made her knees go weak.
~~~End of Flashback~~~
That happened almost three weeks ago. We went roller-blading that day. I introduced him to all my friends and we had a blast. He was beginning to become a really good friend. He was funny, he was smart, and he was gorgeous. Its hard to think that there was ever a time when Ryan had not been a part of my life. If not for him, I would have continued to be the cold hearted person that I had turned into. He showed me that not all guys were jerks, he taught me to love life again. As the days went by, we got closer and closer until one day he finally asked me out. My initial response had been to so say no – I was still not over Nathan. But later on after a good deal of preaching from Brookie, I finally agreed to go out with him.
He took me to this cute little Italian restaurant called “Terramia”. We had the most wonderful food and we spent the entire evening dancing under the stars. Ryan was a true gentleman, he knew just the right things to say. I could see in his eyes how much he cared. They were always filled with so much love and admiration. Whenever I was sad or felt lonely, he'd know and he'd always be there for me, no questions asked. In a matter of a month and half, this boy had completely turned my life around for the better. He was my boyfriend, one of my best friends, some would say that he was the real thing. As the days went by, the memories of Nathan slowly vanished, I was falling in love for the very first time, and it felt good. It felt good to get so much attention, his parents treated me as their own. No they couldn't make up for what my parents couldn't give but at least they tried. Life was finally turning out for the better. I no longer felt empty inside, I felt like I finally belonged. I could finally say that I was happy for once.
Maybe it's just me but it seemed like everyone was happy. Jake and Ryan had become like best friends, and Brooke had been gushing over some new guy she had just started dating. I'd asked her million times who he was but she'd never tell. She kept saying she'd tell everyone one once the time was right. I trusted Brooke so I let it go after a while, but now that I think about it, I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd taken the initiative to find out who this mystery guy was. Maybe then I couldn't have stopped things from going too far.
* * *
“Hello” said Haley
Nothing but sniffles.
“Brookie is that you?” asked Haley clearly concerned.
“Hales … C…Can you come over?” asked Brooke.
Brooke was the strongest girl she had known. She never cried, never.
“I'll be right over babe, sit tight” she replied as she hurried over to get her car keys.
A few minutes later she arrived at the Davis home. Everything was dark, something terrible must have happened. Brooke always made it a point to turn on every single light in her home when her parents weren't around, which was almost everyday so seeing the house so dark made her worry.
Haley walked to the entrance and was just about to ring the bell when she noticed that the door was already open. Even after spending most of her life alone in that house, she was always afraid. She had three locks on the front door and a couple more around the house. So the fact that she had left the house in such vulnerable state meant that something so really bad had happened. Rather than continue to make assumptions, Haley ran up the stairs and into Brooke's bedroom.
It was dark, just like everywhere else.
“Brooke, where are you?”
“Here” replied a tiny voice that appeared to be coming from the closet.
As she approached, Haley found Brooke curled up in a ball, wiping her tears, while trying to hide her face.
Haley slowly lowered herself and sat down next to Brooke on the floor. It hurt her so much to see her this way. If there was anyone she loved most in the world other than Jake, it would be her. Brooke was her sister, her best friend, she was her everything so seeing her cry made her want to cry too. But she didn't, she had to be strong. Countless times, Haley had fallen apart and Brooke had been the strong one, the one to take care of her and make things better. Now it was her turn to do the same.
“What is it Brooke?” she asked softly.
For a moment, Brooke wouldn't look at her. She couldn't even speak. All she could do was cry. Haley understood, so she took her into her arms and let her wash away her pain. Questions could be asked later on. Right now her friend needed her support and she would be there for her no matter what.
* * *
Autumn was the best time of year. The leaves changed color and the animals prepared for the winter. For me this has always been the best time of year. The weather in North Carolina is just perfect, not too cold and not too hot. Finals would be over in a week or two and everyone would be excited for winter vacation. It really was the best time of the year. The religious holidays were approaching and everyone got ready for the festivities. It was the only time of the year when everyone remained peaceful. Even the Scott/James feud would take a break. Everyone loved the winter holidays, everyone except me. For me, Christmas break was a nightmare. It was the only time that my parents would be home for more than seven days. I should be happy right? Holidays are supposed to bring people together right? Well not in my family. In my family, spending more than three four days in the same house made us all more distant. It was a horrible situation, one that I've had to endure every single year since I was born. Every year dad cooks a load of food for the party and mom pays to get her face more and more mutilated. Supposedly, plastic surgery is supposed to make you look better right? Well you know what I think? I think it makes people look uglier and uglier. But that doesn't matter, nobody cares what I think. Unlike every year where I sit through dad's boring as hell party, I actually had something better to do. Ryan had asked me to spend the Christmas with him and his family in New York. I was so excited! But guess what? My parents wouldn't let me go. I remember their words being “Honey, we need to show everyone how wonderful our family really is. Image is everything in politics you know that. They didn't want me there because they'd miss me, they only wanted me there so I could tell everyone what a close-knit family we are and try to convince people to vote for my dad. They just had to preserve their image didn't they? Well news flash, our family is far from perfect, I know it, they know it, hell the entire town knows it but no one ever says anything. They're all perfectly content thinking that they're family is perfect rather than face the facts and realize that our family is as dysfunctional, if not more than everybody else's. So here I was, stuck in our pathetic little town with nothing to do other than count the days till winter vacation would be over and things could go back to normal. Well at least as normal as it gets, here in Tree Hill. Well even the tiniest speck of hope that I had for a normal vacation ran out the window the day I found out that Nathan was coming back again.
Part 3: A Winter of Revelations
From what I've heard, Nathan usually came home during the summer vacation. Probably couldn't handle his overbearing father I guess. Who could blame him? So anyway the point is Nathan Scott was coming him six months too early and I was officially a nervous wreck.
I was supposed to be angry with him right? I shouldn't care if he came or went. In fact, I should be dreading the day he arrives right? Wrong. In spite of trying so hard to forget Nathan and everything that happened during the summer, I never could. Part of me was still desperate to know truth behind all the unanswered questions and a part of me couldn't care less. The problem was that these two sides of me conflicted a lot. When Nathan did return, I'd hoped that he would come see me, to explain things, to say sorry … to say that he missed me. Three weeks passed, winter vacation was almost finished and yet I hadn't seen Nathan, even once. There could only be two possible explanations for that: one that he was avoiding me, or two that he'd forgotten me. I don't know which one's worse.
By New Year's Eve, I'd given up all hope of seeing Nathan and I gone on to brooding about all the other stuff that had been happening in my life. Right after Christmas, my parents had once again left for one of their trips and Jake went to UNC to see some chick. She must be really gorgeous for Jake to be driving all the way to Chapel Hill almost every other week. As if this wasn't enough, now Brooke had abandoned me, yet again for that mystery guy. So in short, every one around me had gone away and I was left to start the New Year all alone.
Alone, that's how my life has always been. Sometimes people came along and for a little while and I could forget about the loneliness but eventually they all left and I was once again left to face everything on my own. As I walked through the quiet streets of Tree Hill, I could feel the cool breeze across the apples of my cheeks, and I could hear the cheers of the people around in the various bars and restaurants making merry while awaiting the arrival of the New Year. Everyone was in such a joyous mood and here I was, so melancholy. Once again, I felt left out. After walking around for sometime, I finally came to my destination – the docks. The docks were my place of solitude. Every year since I was seven I'd been coming here to bring in the new year, sometimes with Brooke and sometimes with Jake, but this time I was going to spend it alone.
When I got closer, what I saw really shocked me. There was Nathan, sitting on the bench, silently crying. No, not crying, weeping. People often mistake the two, crying is something you do when you're sad and you want to express your feelings, while weeping means to express your intense grief and anguish by way of tears. There's a fine distinction between the two, most people don't get it but I do. Its something my dad taught me back when he actually cared. So anyway, what I saw was a poor, helpless boy who had nowhere to go and no one to listen. It broke my heart to see him this way. That's when I realised what I felt, I finally understood why, in spite all that I happened, I still cared so deeply about him – I…I loved him.
God! I loved him! That's the reason why I'd been so badly hurt when he left that night. That's the reason why I waited every night the week after he left, hoping that he would call. I was so deeply in love that I couldn't see right from wrong, I couldn't see all his faults, all his weaknesses. Even after all this time apart, after all the months that I'd spent trying to change myself, trying to force myself hate him, I never could because I was entirely blinded by love.
And now, seeing the one person that I'd grown to love so deeply writhe in such pain was tearing me apart. Just the sight of him so lost, so afraid made me want to cry. I wanted to touch him, I want to tell him that every thing was going to be okay and that I'd be there for him no matter what but I couldn't. I was afraid of being rejected again. He'd done it once and I was yet to fully recover from it. I couldn't afford to get hurt once again so rather than risk it, I was going to leave. But when I got up, he got hold of my hand and pulled me down beside him once again. “Don't go, he'd said in a voice barely above a whisper.
For a while I simply sat there holding him while he washed away his pain. Sometimes he'd sob violently and sometimes he'd settle down to an occasional whimper. Somewhere along that time, I'd begun to cry too. It must have been an odd sight, two people sitting on a bench crying while everyone else spent their time laughing and drinking and awaiting a fresh start. Yes odd indeed, but for us it meant more. This was the first time Nathan ever opened up to me. He didn't put on that tough façade and he didn't try to hide his tears. What I saw that day was the real Nathan Scott, no bluster, no BS, the real thing.
It was getting really late, I realised that it was time to take our sob session elsewhere. It was almost twelve, soon the fireworks and the countdowns would start and if anyone saw us together, mayhem would ensue. On any other day I wouldn't really care much but today for some reason, I was sure that neither of us would be able to handle all the insults and allegations that would result should someone see us together.
When I tried to get up, Nathan looked up at me with those captivating blue eyes and I just knew that he wasn't ready to leave me. So I helped him up and we slowly walked toward my house, still holding on to each other tightly as we went along the quiet streets of Tree Hill once more.
And so as the night grew old, they settled into the warm bed, holding onto each other in sweet embrace and come midnight, a chaste kiss was shared and the two young lovers fell asleep dreaming of the other and what beautiful experiences lay ahead in the future.
Haley and Nathan had been lying in bed for some time. There was no need to speak; each knew what the other was feeling with a single glance. As they lay there in Haley's warm bed, off in their own worlds, an odd sort of calm washed over them. They held each other for quite sometime. After a while however, once they had each broken out of his/her reverie, there was an air of awkwardness among them. If you thought about it, Nathan and Haley were perfect strangers. Neither knew anything about the other, except for the fact that an unnatural bond had formed between them in the short time in which they had known each other.
Haley didn't know what his favorite food was. Or what his favorite movie was. She didn't even know when his birthday is. But that didn't matter. She had been so afraid that he had forgotten about her, that that fateful afternoon of August had meant nothing to him. She was glad that she had been wrong. She observed him for a moment. He'd dyed his hair jet black, his face looked more mature, but in essence he was still the same boy who she'd fallen head over heels for that day at the pool so long ago. He still had those stunning blue eyes. For as long as she'd known him, they'd been filled with anger and resentment. But today there was something else in them – sadness.
She desperately wanted to ask him what was wrong but figured it would better if she just kept her mouth shut. She was perfectly content lying there beside him, just enjoying their time together. Try as she might, however, she could help but notice that something was just not right. And so she waited. She wanted him to know that she'd be there no matter what and that he could trust her. She could see the silent tears that rolled down his cheeks. Nathan was strong, he'd express his anger and distress through violence, through basketball but never through something as pitiful as tears.
“Haley?” asked Nathan, uncertain of whether she was awake or asleep.
“Yeah”
He turned around and looked her directly in the eye, thus revealing to its fullest extent the battle that was going on deep inside of him. “Thank you”
“You're welcome” she replied with a look of concern.
That was the breaking point, for some reason her kindness just brought on a new wave of sadness in him. She was caring, and in spite of everything that happened, the way he'd treated her, she stayed with him in his time of need. The least he could do was open up to her.
“He didn't care” started Nathan.
After a brief pause he continued “ When my mom passed away, Karen came and took me to her home. Until then, I'd lived alone with my mom in this dirty old apartment back in New York.”
Haley didn't know what to say so she took his hand in hers and held it tightly while he continued: I remember being so happy thinking that I'd finally get to have a family like everyone else. Don't get me wrong, my mom was an amazing person. She didn't have very much money but she gave the best life she could. She knew that what she earned wasn't enough but she didn't care. Rather than asking for money from dad like a lot of people would have done, my mother chose to maintain her dignity. I always admired that in her.”
“She must have been a wonderful person” replied Haley.
“Yeah she was. I wish you could meet her, she would've liked you … So anyway, when I was asked to go live at the Scott mansion, I thought that maybe dad had had a change of heart. Maybe he'd finally learn to love me like he did Lucas but I was wrong. I was only there because Karen had wanted me there. My dad completely ignored me. The only reason he even let me in was because of basketball. He used train Lucas so hard, he'd take interest in every aspect of Luke's life but never in mine. When Luke got into the varsity basketball team, freshman year, I got in too. But when the celebration party was held, it was held in honour of Lucas not me. The only thing I got was a ticket to Germany and details on the new boarding school I'd be attending. Sure the school had been greatly focused on helping students excel in various sports but that wasn't enough. I know many people would give anything to go to that school and I would have done anything to not go. It would have meant the world if dad had taken the time to train me like he did Lucas but he didn't.
Haley was in tears by the time he stopped to gather his thoughts but she urged him to go on.
“So the few years that I spent in that boarding school had been as lonely as ever. Day after day, I'd study, train, and go to bed, that was my routine schedule. Every Christmas, New Year, Easter, people would go back home for the holidays and even if they didn't they'd get packages and packages from their loved ones. Every year I'd hoped they'd ask me home for the holidays but they never did. On the phone, Karen would incessantly make up excuses but we both knew the reason I was there was because dad didn't want me back and wasn't willing to pay for my plane tickets. When the time came for me to go to college, dad had told me that I could go anywhere I wanted in the US save for UNC. When I asked why, he said that Lucas was going there and if I went there too, the chances of both of us getting picked for the NBA draft would be lowered… The biggest lie I ever heard. He didn't want me at UNC because he didn't want to have to see me all the time. It took me a while but I realised that I was a liability to him. I realised that if Karen hadn't brought me home that day, I'd be left to suffer in foster homes and he wouldn't care in the least bit. Do you know what it feels like to know that no matter how good you are, how perfect you try to be, you'll never be enough? To be reminded of the fact that you were a mistake everyday of your life?”
“I…I do” replied Haley.
“No, I don't think you do Haley. Sure your dad's never home and all he cares about his reputation but if worse comes to worse, he'd be there. At least he doesn't hate you like my dad does me”
“I…I” Haley was at a loss of words. What Nathan said was true. Her dad didn't pay attention to her, he didn't even love her to be honest, but at least he didn't hate her. When she was born, she'd had a family, everyone rejoiced her birth -- she wasn't a mistake. Her parents drifted apart, yes, at times she was a nuisance to her parents yes, but again, at least her father didn't hate her like Nathan's did.
“So anyway, I finally picked UCLA”
“Why?”
“ Because, that's where my grandparents lived. I didn't know anyone else existed in my family until I found my mother's diary. Karen had given it to me as my graduation present. She'd asked me to forgive her and to go find them”
“It took me a while but eventually I did. They lived in the worst part of LA. It was horrible. The streets were dirty, and the people were worse. They were all just so … so miserable. When I got there, I'd hoped to get a job, and maybe help them move to a better place. They were just so poor… so helpless. Up until the day that my mother died, she had sent them money, she'd helped them stay off the streets but once she was gone, in a way they were gone too. They spent their last days in this one bedroom, run down trailer with very little to live on other than cereal and a box of milk. By the time I finally got to know about them, it had been too late. A week before I got there, there had been a fire and they hadn't been able to get away. When I got there, everything was a mess. All the trailers in that area had burned to down and everyone who lived there had been left homeless. The last of my family was gone and I could do nothing about it. When dad found out about what I'd done, he threatened to cut off my tuition and forced me to come back here. Had he asked me to come home because he wanted me there for the holidays, I would be the happiest person alive. But no, being here is my punishment. He's been treating me like dirt ever since he found out.”
After a moment of silence, Haley finally spoke up: “Dan Scott's a jerk everyone knows that. But Nathan, you can't let him get to you like that. Your mom wouldn't like that, she would have wanted you to be strong.”
“Did you know that my mom had wanted to be an artist? She loved to draw, to paint, to show the world how beautiful life really was. When she passed away, she did so with a smile on her face. She had no regrets, no complaints, and in spite of having lived such a hard life she died in peace. Today marks the 10th anniversary since my mom died. And dad didn't care. He didn't even remember. He hadn't cried when she passed away, he'd been emotionless at the funeral and he certainly didn't care about her anniversary. Right now he's holding the gigantic New Year's bash. He doesn't even remember. When I got up this morning, he made me put up decorations, wash the cars and asked me to keep quiet and not embarrass him for once. He didn't even remember… That's what hurts the most.”
In that instant, Nathan looked so lost, so helpless, so vulnerable. She desperately wanted to help him but she could think of no words that could ease his pain. When he was hurting, she was hurting too. She hated God for making him suffer. Underneath that heard exterior of his, was good person who was desperate for love. As she held him tightly, the two cried together, sharing the pain and for once letting go of their fears and insecurities, and simply being there for each other.
The next morning, I woke up feeling immensely happy. Nathan had been open with me for the first time since I met him. He'd shown me a different side of him. Most of the time he appears cold and so disconnected from the rest of the world. I now understood why he chose to be that way. Its something I myself had been doing for the past few months.
As I lay there in Nathan's protective arms, I felt content. For once in my life, I wasn't scared, I wasn't sad, or angry, I was just … in peace you could say. I lay there silently observing the boy next to me. I was seeing Nathan in a new light this day. He looked so peaceful. He had a smile on his face. Lying there next to him, I thought about what life would be like if everyday could be like today. I realized that in spite of all the bad things around me, I was still like every other girl. Just like Brooke and every other girl on the planet, all I wanted was to be loved. In fact, I probably wanted it more than most people. As I lay there thinking about how wonderful the future could be if Nathan and I were together, it finally occurred to me that all that I was hoping for could never happen. That was about the time that Nathan woke up and his expressions just strengthened my suspicions. The Nathan that I saw the previous night was only a one time thing.
What was moments ago, the most comfortable environment was now filled with awkwardness. I could see it in his eyes. He thought that last night was a mistake. I watched him close up again, I watched him rebuild those barriers, I watched him become cold again. I could feel the distance he was creating. I wanted to stop it, I wanted to make things go back to the way they were the previous night but there was nothing I could do.
He couldn't even look at me. And when he did, I could see the guilt in his eyes. His features may have hardened but his eyes could speak no lie. At the time, there was so much we wanted to say and yet there was nothing to say at all. I know it doesn't make much sense but the truth is it's not supposed to make any sense.
He put on his shirt and walked to the doorframe, turned around, said he was sorry, and then he left.
I waited there, hoping that he would come back but he didn't. He went downstairs, closed the door and he walked away from me and from the life of happiness we could have had.
I didn't cry that morning and I didn't cry until several months after that. I realized that Nathan couldn't give me what I wanted. Loving someone was just something that he couldn't do. Maybe because of the kind of havoc it has caused before or maybe because he was simply afraid. Whatever the reason was, I knew that there was no point in me hoping for something I could never have. The best he could give me was friendship and I would have to live by that.
The next day Ryan returned and things started going back to normal. My parents were gone once again and it was almost time to go back to school. In fact, I was actually looking forward to going back to school.
On the day before school started, Nathan went back to California. I half expected him to leave without saying good bye but I'm glad I was wrong. Just before he left for the airport, he came to see me.
“So this is good bye huh?” asked Haley
“Yeah I guess it is.” He said with a sad smile on his face.
It felt awkward to be around him like this.
“ So what happens now? Is your dad going to pay your tuition?”
“No … I guess I ‘m just going to have to get a job or something”
“Yeah, I'm sure things will work out”
“Yeah I hope so too”
“Just a sec” I said as I walked into my room. I was saving it for a laptop but I figured he needed it more than I did. Guys like Nathan never had work for anything. It would take him a while to get a job and a place to stay, giving him this money was the least I could do.
“Here” I said as I handed him the check.
“ I… I can't take this Haley”
“ Just take it okay. It could come in handy sometime”
“Thank you. I'll pay you back as soon as I can.” He replied with a genuine smile.
“What are friends for right?”
Friends. It hurt to say it but it was for the best I guess. After New Year's Eve, we seemed to share a special connection. We started hanging out more often and slowly and steadily as we got closer, we starting to be really good friends. Sure my stomach still fluttered every time I saw him but I ignored it. Having Nathan in my life as a friend was better than not having him at all. So putting my feelings aside and I tried to be the best friend I could.
For a moment we just stood there not knowing what to do. I knew that I'd miss him that's for sure. Over the past few days, I'd really grown to depend on him. Even though he couldn't say it, I knew he cared. It felt good to have some one like that around in my life. And now that he was leaving, it was natural for me to miss him. He seemed to know what I was feeling so he stepped forward and pulled me into a warm hug. After spending sometime just holding each other and simply enjoying the moment, I reach up and placed a light kiss on his cheek.
“Bye Nathan” I said as I got ready to close the door.
“Bye Hales” he replied as he walk down the steps and went inside the taxi. When the last of the taxi had disappeared into the night, I closed the door and crawled into bed. This vacation was well spent. Sure my parents weren't there and my best friend Brooke had abandoned me but that was okay. At least I had Nathan. I knew that no matter how far away he was, he would always find a way to keep in touch. I wouldn't have to feel alone anymore. And that feeling alone was good enough to get me through the day.
January came and went, so did February. Life was passing by far too quickly for my taste. The greater portion of my senior year had ended, and I was now waiting for responses from colleges. I had my heart set on Columbia, though my parents were pushing me for Harvard, family tradition and all, I guess. It's funny how your life can be so hectic and everything else can be so calm. Lucas was graduating this year. He needed to focus on school and basketball so naturally the feud was put on hold. Either that or the Scotts were planning something big.
Nathan and I stayed in touch just as we'd planned. I'd tell him everything that happened in my life and he'd listen and give thoughtful comments from time to time. Nathan however, wasn't as open about things. He was dating someone, that much I could tell.
~~~Flashback~~~
Haley calls Nathan late at night while he is at a frat party drunk and out of his senses.
“Hello Nathan?”
“Nathan can't come to the phone right now. He's busy…”
The mysterious girl's voice is drowned by the noise from the surroundings
“Could you just give him the phone please?” replied Haley impatiently.
“Oh Natey, phone call. I thought I was your girl”.
“You are babe, you are”
“Hello?”
“Nathan it's me, Haley”
“Oh hi Hales … dude stop I'm on the phone” and then thump.
All Haley could hear was bad music, and two people moaning, the guy's voice sounded a lot like Nathan's.
~~~End of Flashback~~~
I wanted to ask him if it was true or not but I couldn't bring myself to ask. Nathan and I had agreed to be friends so I should have known that he'd go and find someone. Just because I was hung up on him didn't mean he had to be the same. But still, it hurt. The thought of having some other girl kissing him or making out with him made me nauseous.
After Nathan left, I realised that there was no point in being with Ryan anymore. In a way we're both very similar, what Nathan can't give me is what I can't give him – love. I know I should move on, find someone else who is better suited for me, but I just can't. I can't afford to get my heart broken again.
~~~Flashback~~~
Haley was sitting under a tree, deep in thought.
“A penny for your thoughts”
“Hunh? Oh … hi Ryan”
As he got closer, Ryan realized that Haley had been crying.
“Hales, what's wrong?” he inquired, tenderly.
“Nothing” she replied, as she wiped her tears.
“Come on, be honest”
“Okay”
For a moment, they remained silent, each in their own thoughts. Haley knew it was time to let go. Ryan deserved someone better, someone who'd appreciate his affection, not someone like herself who was so hung over a possibility that couldn't be that she couldn't see what was right in front of her.
Taking in a deep breath, Haley continued: “I think we should be friends”.
Haley searched for some expression on his face. Disappointment? Anger? Something? All Haley got was a smile.
“W…Why are you smiling?”
“Nothing, I'm just surprised that it took you so long”.
“What do you mean?”
“You've been distant ever since I came back from New York. At first I thought it was because we'd been apart for so long but then I realised that there was more to it than what meets the eye”.
He waited for her to explain but she remained silent.
“Who's the guy Haley?”
“What guy?” Haley asked, genuinely surprised.
“Come on tell me the truth. You're in love with someone aren't you? That guy who broke your last summer, he came back didn't he?”
Haley took a moment to gather her thoughts. She seldom mentioned Nathan around him so how did he come to know so much?
“I don't know how you can say all this and be so calm about it. But, yeah you're right. I still love him you know? I've tried not to but this feeling just won't go away. When you came to Tree Hill, I thought things would get easier, that I could fall in love with you and I'd forget about everything that happened. But it didn't work. He came back and everything just fell to pieces all over again. You know?”
“You just can't forget him. I get it. My mom used to say that your first love's the one you'll always remember, I guess it's true. You'll remember him just as I'll remember you”, he replied with a sad smile on his face.
If things weren't difficult as is, Ryan silent declaration of love seemed to make things harder. Haley genuinely wished that things could have happened differently. That she could have met Ryan first, maybe then things could have turned out better.
“Someday you're going to make some girl really happy you know that?”
“Yeah, some girl just not you right?”
Haley couldn't help but tear up a little. Here she was telling him she couldn't be with him because she wanted someone else and there he was, being so sweet and trying to make her feel better. Ryan really was an amazing person, she said that he'd make some girl really happy, she'd meant every word.
“So come on tell me, who's the mystery guy?”
At first she hesitated but then she decided to tell him the truth. That was the least she could do: “His name is Nathan… Nathan Scott”
“Wait, you mean Scott as in psycho family Scott?”
“Yeah” she replied, shyly.
“Well good, Nathan's a good guy. Stubborn but he has a good heart, that much I can tell you”
“Wait… how do you know Nathan?”
“We went to high school together”
“You lived in Europe? How come you never told me?”
“Well you never asked” he chuckled.
“I went to school in Berlin until sophomore year, after which my dad got a transfer and we moved to New York”.
“When I got here, I was hoping to see Nathan but I found out he'd gone elsewhere for college. That's about the time I met you as well. I saw you and I just had to get to know you. So when I found out that you were a James, I figured if I had to get close to you, I'd be better off not letting anyone know that Nathan and I were friends. You're not mad are you?”
“Mad? No. Just surprised I guess”.
~~~End of Flashback~~~
We broke up, yes. But we never got to be friends though. He was still nice to me and we talked from time to time it was all casual for the most part. I was once again back to being lonely. There were days when I went to school, sat in class, and came home, all without saying a word to anyone. Brooke was never around, Jake was at college and I hadn't had the nerve to call Nathan after the night where I was so rudely hung up on. I hoped Nathan would've called but he hadn't. But I wasn't about to dwell on that. That girl who would spend days sulking was no more. If I did, then it would have been as good as saying I had never met Ryan and he had not helped me change into a better and stronger person. Now that would be a lie and I'm not going to be a liar just like every other person in this miserable town that is Tree Hill.
Part 4: A Spring of Hope
"Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate spring."
On the first of March, I had this horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach. I stayed home that day. It was almost spring, almost all of the snow had melted, and it was starting to get warmer. The birds were chirping, and flowers were blooming, seeing all of this should have made me happy, but it didn't. I kept getting nightmares, and the visions were haunting me. Every bone in my body told me that something was about go very wrong but I just couldn't accept it. I tried to brush off my feelings, I kept myself busy in schoolwork, anything to get away from those visions. Looking back on those days, I wish I hadn't been so darn stubborn, I wish I had just accepted that I had a gift and I should trust them. Maybe I could have prevented what was about to happen next. If grammie were alive today she would surely have been disappointed in me, everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault but I honestly think it was. If I had just said something, done something, maybe then things would have been different. If I hadn't just sat idly by, maybe then I could have stopped them from going there, from getting hurt. I was so selfish! I should have paid attention to Brooke, if I had, none of this would have happened. I doubt she'd have listened to me but it was my duty as her friend to at least try. If I could take it back, I would. I would give up almost anything to go back and change what happened that night.
Nathan: You ready for this man?
Lucas: Hell yeah!
It was about midnight when it happened. The streets were entirely vacant and the town was filled with drunken teens just bursting to let off some steam. It was just one of those nights when things seemed quiet … too quiet. Some massive tragedy was about to occur and not a soul knew about it. Not that, knowing about it could have prevented anything. Someone was about to get hurt and someone was going to be responsible for it.
The Ravens were in the finals, one more win and they'd be all state champion. Nothing could have stopped their momentum, except for themselves. Whitey had been on their back for days, making them do suicides, weight training, in short he was pushing each of them to their limits. And amidst all this, the Scott/James rivalry was more intense than ever. There was so much riding on this one game. This one game was what would ultimately make or break Lucas Scott's career. Naturally, Dan was on his case more than ever.
“You show them son. Show them that you're better than them. Work harder! Harder!”
Lucas Scott was used his dad's pressure, he really was but now even he was having trouble handling all this. And sometimes when people are under intense pressure, they tend to lose their sense of rationality. They do things that they wouldn't do had they been thinking clearly.
Hello Brooke?
Lucas is that you?
Brooke and Lucas were secretly spending time together. When they were together, they didn't really think about their families or how they would react if they found out about them. Brooke would tell him stories about Haley and their life parent-less lives and Lucas would tell him about his overbearing father and how miserable his life was having him around. As time passed, Brooke began to fall for his charms, she began to let her guard down. She was so desperate to tell Haley about what was going on in her life but she was just … too afraid to say anything. Haley was in her own world of struggles and turmoil so she didn't want Haley to have to worry about her as well. And so she kept her relationship a secret even from her best friend in the whole wide world.
Jake: Luke how could you do that to her man?
Lucas: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jake: oh the hell you don't. How dare you hurt Brooke?
Lucas: Oh so you're bangin' her too? What my cousin wasn't enough?
Oh you son of a --
Just as the two boys were about to pummel each other, the Great Timster came up with a brilliant idea.
Tim: “Hey hey guys no need for violence. What say we settle this situation in a more civilized way?
At that, the two boys stopped fighting and turned their attention to the scrawny little pest that was Tim Smith.
Jake: What do you have in mind?
I propose a race.
Jake: what's in it for me?
Well let's see … you win, we don't beat the shit out of you and we don't bother your friend Brooke Davis or your little sister. And if Luke wins, you leave your spot as team captain and stay away from Peyton Sawyer.
And what's keeping me from beating the shit out of you right now!
Lucas: Well see there's this little problem about umm… Brooke Davis being stuck in the woods somewhere with no way of getting home and no way of letting someone know about her current whereabouts.
For a moment Jake stood quiet, silently weighing his options.
Jake: Fine let's get this over with.
Just then, Nathan came into the scene. Everyone knew that Nathan was not a fan of the Scott/ James feud. So getting him to come along would require some serious persuasion, or maybe just a tiny little white lie.
Nathan: What's going on guys?
Lucas: Nothing bro, come on we've got a race to win.
Nathan: Yeah? Who are we racing? He asked suspiciously.
Lucas: Oh umm … Jake James.
At that Nathan let out a sigh of frustration.
Lucas: Come on, don't give me that look. Live a little. I promise I won't do anything to hurt him.
Nathan: Oh you better not.
And the rest is history. “Head on collision: Son of Greg James, leading candidate for governor in critical condition.”
You'd think they'd let us live in peace for a little while don't you think? NO! By early morning the next day, the front yards was swarming with the media. Television cameras, photographers, journalists, all crowded together hoping to get a peek at how we were handling the news, how I was handling the news, my parents were stuck in Charlotte somewhere probably taking advantage of all the free publicity they were getting. God they make me sick.
Maybe if I had gotten the news from the morning paper, maybe then things would have been better. But no, I got the news straight from the mouth of the devil, Nathan Scott.
Haley woke up to the sounds of some one wrapping at the door. The clock said it was two in the morning.
Who could possibly be at the door at this ungodly hour, she wondered.
Who else? Nathan Scott of course.
Haley hadn't known he'd been back for spring break. She hadn't talked to him since that phone incident. So him standing out on her porch in the middle of the night in the pouring rain naturally came as a surprise to her.
“Nathan. Hi what are you doing here?”
“I just … I just wanted to talk.” he said, clearly struggling with his words.
“And this talk couldn't wait till the morning?” she asked, rather impatiently.
“No. H-Haley I'm sorry”
When he saw that Haley's features had softened a bit, he continued: “ I didn't know that things would get so out of hand. If I'd known I would never had let Luke go through with it?”
“Wait … go through what?” she asked, slightly worried.
“What you don't know?”
“Don't know what Nate? That your brother tried to force himself on my best friend? Of course I know. She's upstairs, completely shattered thanks to your brother.”
“What? I didn't know about Brooke –“
“Wait you mean there's more? What have you and your brother done now” she asked in fury.
“Luke and your brother were having a race and this truck came out of nowhere. Luke swerved and Jake … Jake smashed into it.”
Nathan wasn't able to look her in the eyes. He knew it wasn't really his fault but somehow he still felt responsible. The sound of glass shattering broke him out of his fixation. The glass of water that she had been holding slipped onto the floor and broke into infinitely tiny pieces just like her entire life did in that instant.
“NO! You're lying. Did Luke put you up to this? What kind of sick joke is this?” she asked in desperation.
Haley was in denial. She was convinced that this had to be a nightmare, surely her life couldn't get this bad. It wasn't until she found herself being held tightly in Nathan's arms that she realised that this was really happening. Nathan knew that in that moment, she was capable of doing anything so before she had a chance to do anything, he took hold of her arms.
LET GO OF ME!! LET GO!
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Haley was out of her senses. It didn't take long for her to move from her denial stage into something more violent. She was out of control. She slipped out of Nathan's arms and was on a rampage to destroy everything in her sight.
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
YOU DID THIS NATHAN !! YOU YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE
No Haley, I…I didn't, I tried to stop it. I asked Luke to stop the car, I told him that this was a bad idea. He tried so desperately to convince her but she just wouldn't listen.
You always do this Nathan. Always. You hurt me and you hurt those around me. I've never done anything to you or your family so why is your family so determined to destroy mine? WHY?
It has not healed with time
Nathan was at a loss of words. Nothing he said could possible make things easier for her. So he stayed silent, absorbing Haley's accusations and all the hurtful things she had to say to him.
It just shot down my spine
You don't love me FINE. But the least you could do was to make sure your family stays away from mine. You hurt me so much Nathan. I've spent so many nights crying for you now I wonder why. Why did you let my brother agree to Lucas's lame ass plan? Why did you let this happen? Why didn't you stop this when you had the chance?
What sort of sick pleasure do you guys get in seeing the people I love get hurt? Why did you guys try to take away the one good thing I had in my life? WHY NATHAN? WHY?
And gently smiled before you destroyed my life
Haley was all over the place. She was livid with anger, her heart was beating a mile a minute, her clothes were drenched in tears and all she could think of was her poor brother laying helplessly in the hospital and Lucas and the gang rejoicing their victory.
Would you find it in your heart
When Haley had finished her screaming and throwing heavy objects towards him, Nathan took her car keys and led her towards the driveway.
To make this go away
“Come on, let me take you to him” he said softly.
And let me rest in pieces
~~~End of Flashback~~~
From what I've been told, both Lucas and Jake were hurt, Nathan mysteriously had escaped with a few minor scratches and what not. It turns out that Jake had a couple of broken ribs and possible head injury and Lucas… I didn't want to know about Lucas. If I had gotten to him first, I'd probably have killled him so in that sense, he should consider himself lucky.
In a matter of a few days, things had gone from bad to worse. I know it wasn't my fault but I felt responsible. Maybe if I had taken more interest in Brooke's life than being completely enveloped in my own, maybe then I could have done something. Maybe I could have told her that she was falling into a trap and that Lucas was only playing with her. Maybe then she would have stayed away from him. That way she wouldn't have gone through that horrible ordeal and Jake wouldn't have gone after Lucas and this whole thing could have been avoided.
Everyone came to check up on me, whether it was Brooke or Ryan, someone or the other was there to keep me company and when no one was there, there was Nathan. I wouldn't speak to him but I could constantly feel his presence. Lucas had suffered some mild injuries and he was asked to stay the night for observation. Maybe Nathan was there because of Lucas, or maybe he was there because of me, I couldn't tell for sure. I guess the reason why people were constantly there asking how I was, asking if I needed anything was because they were, well…afraid of what I'd do if I were left alone. I guess people are just used to seeing me as the rock, the one keeping things together. But now, watching me so lost and broken, kind of … scares them. I'm too nice so I won't say anything to them to their face, but if I could, I'd tell them to stop pitying me, and to go on with their lives. If they're so desperate to shower someone with their attention, then they should give it to Jake. After all, he's the one in the hospital, not me. But like I said, I'm too nice to be brutally honest like that.
Days had passed and things just didn't seem to get any better. Jake's condition had gotten worse, he was now in the ICU unit. When I found out, I just lost every shred of control that I had over my life. The doctor's were saying that he could die. Die! If Jake died then I had no reason to live either. He's the only family I've got, parents don't count. If he were gone too, then I'd have no one. I couldn't just sit there anymore, waiting for the doctors to bring bad news. I hadn't gone out of the hospital in over three days. It was suffocating in there. The whole clinical smell was getting to me. I had to get out. If I stayed any longer, the tiniest shred of sanity that I had left would be gone.
1:00 AM
“Ryan have you seen Haley?” asked Brooke, trying to keep the concern out of her voice.
“No, I haven't actually. I thought she was with Jake”, he replied.
“Well she's not there. Do you know where she could have gone?” asked clearly worried.
“I…I don't know. Maybe we should call Nathan,” said Ryan.
“Don't bother” replied Brooke in disgust.
Nathan had been coming to the hospital everyday, he'd check up on Jake try to get Haley to talk and when she wouldn't, he'd sit in the waiting area, lost in thought, occasionally getting up to get some coffee and asking if anyone needed anything. Though Nathan was being really sweet, Brooke didn't trust him. He was a Scott after all, and from her experience Scotts were not to be trusted.
“Hi Nathan?”
“Ryan? What's wrong? Is Jake okay?”
“Jake's fine, well as fine as he can be you know lying in a hospital bed and every thing –”
“So what's wrong? Is it Haley?” Nathan asked in concern.
“Well it's just that we don't know where she is at the moment”
“You lost her? How could you do that man? You know what she going through!” yelled Nathan over the phone.
“Look Nathan, calm down okay! I'm sure she's fine I'm going to go and look for her”
“Good I'll go too. Let me know if you find her okay?”
“Sure no problem, bye”
“Bye”
Nathan searched everywhere, there wasn't street he hadn't driven past. He'd looked everywhere, everywhere except the obvious – the docks.
When he finally got there, he released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. There was Haley, standing on the edge of bridge, staring at the large body of water beneath her.
“Haley is that you?” Nathan asked, cautiously.
Haley swiftly turned around and looked at the boy standing in the distance.
“Nathan, what are you doing here?”
She was a mess, her hair was all over the place, tearstained cheeks, swollen lips, and a look of utter despair in her eyes.
“Ryan called. He said that he said that you were missing. He asked me to come find you” replied Nathan as he slowly approached her. Haley was one of the most unpredictable people he knew, one wrong move and she could do anything.
“Well great you've found me, now leave,” she yelled in annoyance.
She might be drunk off her ass but she's still as feisty as ever thought Nathan.
“I will leave, but not without you”
“ Afraid I'm going to jump?” she asked with a sad smile.
“No, I know you won't you're too strong for that. And besides, if you were gone, there'd be a lot of people who'd miss you. And I'm sure you wouldn't want that.”
“Really? I've got so many people caring for me enough to miss me? The only person in the world who really loves me is now in the hospital fighting for life and you have the nerve to come here and tell me what I should and should not be doing? Please. If it weren't for you and your brother I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place Nathan”.
For a moment Nathan stayed silent to collect his thoughts “Haley, I told you, I'm sorry, I didn't know what happened with Brooke. All I knew was that Jake and Luke were going to race and Luke had asked me along for the ride. I didn't mean for all this to happen, you have to believe me”, pleaded Nathan in desperation.
“Even if you didn't have anything to do with Lucas's plan, you could have stopped it couldn't you? I know you don't love me, and as hard as that is for me to grasp, I will eventually get over it. But Brooke, she never did anything to you guys and neither did my brother so why is your entirely family out to get us? I don't know what happened between our parents, I don't know why they hate each other so much but does that mean we have to do the same?”
As Nathan watched her struggling with all kinds of emotions, he felt helpless. He wanted to help her, to some how ease her pain like she had done for him but he honestly didn't know how.
“Haley, you know I don't hate you. Whatever happened between our parents, I don't care. I was never a fan of the whole feud thing, you know that!”
“Then why did you let him get in that car? You couldn't have predicted the accident, I know that. But surely you didn't think that they were going out for some petty joyride did you? You had to have known Lucas would do something, you just had to”, said Haley, barely above a whisper.
Nathan realised that what she was saying was entirely true. He should have known that Lucas never did anything without a reason. Even if the accident hadn't taken place, either way something bad would have taken place and in some way or other it would have been his fault. He really was sorry for his mistake, if only Haley would understand him.
With a new found sense of determination, Haley once again turned her back on Nathan and proceeded to stare at the ocean.
“Go away Nathan, I have nothing more to say to you,” she said softly.
“NO!” he replied with a sudden burst of defiance.
“What did you say?” Haley asked in disbelief.
“I said no. I don't care if you blame me for what happened even if it isn't entirely my fault. I know you're hurting, I am too but I won't just leave you here like this. The girl I've gotten to know over the past few months wouldn't give up like this. She's a fighter, she doesn't just sit around and mope. Your brother is in the hospital, he's not dead Haley! So stop pretending like he is. If you don't believe he can survive than how can he? As for your whole talk about no one caring about you, no one giving a damn about you being dead or alive, I say that's bullshit. You know what? You're just afraid to face things. You want to live in this bubble where nothing bad ever happens. You won't let any one get close to you because you think in some way or the other they're going to end up screwing you over. Well that's not true Haley. People do care, what about Brooke and Ryan, they've been at the hospital as long as you have. Why Haley because they care about you.”
He took a moment to calm himself down but it just wasn't going to work. He was angry with himself for being such a coward. His mom used to say that if you're lucky to find your soul mate, never ever let them go. From the moment he'd seen her at the party so long ago, he'd known that there was something between them. And in the past few months he'd finally figured it out. He loved her, more that he ever thought possible and wasn't going to let go that easily, not without a fight at least.
“I care about you. That day at the pool when I saw you, I knew that there was something special about you. And to tell you the truth, that scared the hell out of me. Everyone I've ever loved has abandoned me in some way or other. I just didn't want to take that chance with you. … So I let you hate me”.
He didn't have the courage to look at her, so he looked anywhere but at her.
“Except that you didn't even do that. The more I tried to push you away, the closer you got to me. That day, that day that you came to talk to Lucas about the Rivercourt, I was in a horrible mood. I had had this terrible fight with my dad. He'd been saying these things, things that really hurt me … and then you came along. I know you probably think I used you, I wouldn't blame you for thinking that way but it really wasn't what I meant to do. I…I've never done the whole dating, relationship thing. I've never had the urge to do so either, but with you ,a part of me wanted know what it felt like to be close to someone like that”.
“Then why didn't you?” Haley asked softly.
“Because I was scared, of getting hurt. I was so angry that day, I was hurt and I was so jealous of you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because you were so open about everything. I knew you liked me, I knew you did. I shouldn't have taken advantage you like that. I knew that I could never give what you wanted so I never had the right to lead you on either. When I saw that you'd left, I wanted to call you, to say I was sorry. But I didn't. I just let you think it was all just part of some sick plan to stick it to you and your family. If it weren't for me, you'd never have become like this, so distant, so angry, I … I am. I'm so sorry Haley”
Haley wanted to say something but Nathan didn't give her a chance: “I left that day thinking that I would change. That I'd become someone worthy of your love. Even after months had passed, the memories of you and the time we spent together still lingered. Everywhere I went, I kept seeing you. I'd be on the court, playing a game and I'd hear your laugh, except that it wasn't you, because you were still here, probably hating my guts. Then I found out about my grand parents and before I knew it, I found myself back here, yet again. I was hoping to see you, to say sorry at least, but the word around the street was that you were with some guy. I saw you guys together, and I saw how happy you were”.
“Nathan—”
“No wait Haley, just let me finish. You were laughing Haley. With me you never laughed. All I ever did was make you cry, even when I wasn't around. I figured you were better off without me. So I left you guys alone, I avoided you as much as I could. But in the end you found me I guess. So anyway, the point of all of this is that I love you Haley James. I never thought I'd ever be able to say that to anyone but it's true, I do. And if you jump off that bridge tonight, then I'm just going to have to jump after you because, you're the only good thing I have in my life. And without you, there would be no reason for me to continue living.
Somehow between the Haley's accusations and Nathan's declaration of love, Nathan had managed to get Haley get down from the edge and in his arms.
“Oh Nathan, I love you so much. You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that to me.”
“I know you have Haley, I know you have.”
For a moment they stood together just admiring each other. No words were spoken but volumes were said just by looking into each other's eyes. Nathan wiped a lone tear that had escaped her chocolate brown eyes, while Haley simply enjoyed the feeling of his fingers on her skin. He had to be the one, no one could ever make her feel the way he did. In that moment, her feelings were indescribable, she was happy, sad, hurt, afraid, but most of all she felt safe. She'd spent so much time protecting herself and those around her that she'd forgotten what it felt like to have someone to love you and take care of you. When Haley finally opened her eyes, she found such love and admiration in his eyes that she felt like she could take on the world if she had to, as long as Nathan was by her side. But all thoughts soon faded once Nathan placed his soft lips on hers and gave her a kiss that would be remembered for years to come.
The perfect ending or should I say, the perfect beginning to a wonderful love story of two tortured souls who defied all odds, all family pressures. Everything that came their way, in order to keep alive their everlasting love, the kind of love that breaks all hate and compels us to stop and think as to why we waste our time feeling such revulsion, when there are bigger and better things to fight for in the world.
Epilogue
1 YEAR LATER:
“Nathan, you're not supposed to be here, you know its bad luck for the groom to see the bride on their wedding day!” chided Haley.
“Well I suppose so but I just had to kiss Mrs. Nathan Scott-to-be”.
“ Fine you've had your kiss, now shoo we don't need any more bad luck now do we?”
And with that she slammed the door on Nathan's face.
“That boy is crazy about you” said Karen as she helped Haley smooth her dress”.
“Yeah he is isn't he? I'm lucky to have him.”
“You guys have really come a long way haven't you? I mean convincing Dan and your father to become civil toward each other, getting Lucas and Brooke together, it's amazing the changes you two have brought about our little town isn't it?”
“Yeah, it is, I'm just glad its over. Everything that happened before last year just seems like a blur to me. I mean I can't even imagine how my life would have been if Nathan hadn't come into it”.
“Any woman would be proud to have a daughter-in-law like you. Both you and Nathan have lived a hard life, I sincerely wish you the best of luck in the years to come.”
“Aww thanks Karen, it really means a lot. Is Jake here yet?”
“Are you kidding, he's been here longer than you have, he's a nervous wreck, you'd think he was the one getting married”
The two women, who had gotten to know each other quite well over the past year, chatted some more as they prepared for what was to come moments from now.
I Haley James take thee Nathan Scott to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.
~The End~
"Mesmerized" by UK Mission
"Rest in Pieces" by Saliva